Saturday, December 5, 2009

The harsh truth revealed itself this week.

It is the beginning of the end.  We must all deal.  We must all face it.  We must all have Faith.

Pappa's time is nearing.  The awful disease that racks his body has taken control, once and for all.  It robs him of his dignity.  It robs him of control.  It robs him of moments, breathes, smiles.

It robs us all.

For Big Boy, it has taken the lessons he was to learn.  He started many lessons only to have them cut short.  Many truths about the pride, the role, the job he has inherited as the first grandson.  He will not be learning those lessons from his Appachan.  He will have to search uncles and Daddy for those.  He will most certainly lose out on something in the gap.  He will have a few memories, vague, distant and foggy.  Maybe some that have clarity, though likely those will be the funeral, the emotion, watching the pain his family has to endure.  It etches into your mind.  I have those memories from his age and sadly, fewer before it.

For Little Man, he may not remember at all.  He may have few memories of the smile, the laughter, the pride and love.  For Little Man, there is just not enough time.

For my precious husband, it is the stark pain on his face that is so very hard to bear.  It is the recognition that the time is nearing.  That he will soon become a son without a father here on Earth.  It is so hard to watch.  Because words cannot comfort.  Touch does not connect.  It is a reality we must all endure and he is the first of us. 

I want to wrap them all in my arms, to ease the pain and wipe away the tears.  I pray that God, and it is always God, that lends his strength to us all.  That He comforts Pappa in his time here and shortens the time of suffering.  That He leads us through this process.  He opens His Doors. 

We are confident where Pappa will be.  His Faith is strong.  He has the Knowledge.  He knows.  The sadness we endure is only momentarily, before we remember the glory in knowing where he is.  God will be there to meet him.  God will take him home.  Too soon. 

But he will be Home.

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