A letter to Big Boy

Your 5th birthday has so quickly come and gone. Now, son, you are a boy. There is no denying it any longer. There is no baby left. Where I once cradled the fat little baby who emerged from my body, I now struggle to catch long enough for a well-deserved kiss or hug.

It makes me stop. I struggle to contain the tears. I struggle to stop the wave of angst that comes around when I think about the time that has passed. Friends and family have the same, well-meaning statement...."Enjoy them while they are young. They grow much too fast".

I do. I DO enjoy you. I've loved every.single.moment. since you made your first cry. I love every bit of you. When you were moments old, screaming in frustration of being thrust into the light. When you were four months old, and staring at me with the wonder of who I was. I loved it when you were two and you would babble on about everything and nothing at all. I loved it when you announced at three years old that "soon I be big like Daddy". I love it when I come home after being absent for a few hours and hear you scream "Mama!!!!!" as you run down the hall to greet me. I really love it when you talk about "last night, when I was little....". I love it all. I love you.

And as much as it tears me up in the knowledge that you are growing up, I'm unbelievably proud of the young man you are becoming. You are wise, son. You are kind. You have great love and great compassion for all things. I love how you wrap your arms around Max and claim the dog as yours. I am so touched at the love you have for your brother, in your already present guidance and protection of your younger sibling. I love how you boast at how you are so much bigger than him, relishing in the fact that you will always be the BIG BROTHER. You have a dry and practical sense of humor. Your quickly gaining in that smart sense of humor that I love as well. You are FUNNY! And you are emotional. You'll likely grow to hate that at some point. But I hope you embrace it. Face it son, you care....deeply. Much like your Daddy.

So as much sadness as I feel about losing my "baby", I'm amazingly proud of the boy you are. I thank God each and every day for you. I thank Him, that in His Infinite wisdom that He felt I was deserved to be your Mama. I don't know how that is entirely possible. But grateful, I truly am.

I love you son. I adore you. There are not enough words. Happy Birthday Big Boy!