I had a very interesting conversation with a friend last night.
She was asking when I was sending the boys off to all day preschool and Pre-K so I could "get a break".
And I told her--again--I'm homeschooling them.
She asked what curriculum I'm following. And we talked about how I'm not sure, maybe not one at all during this preschool year, or maybe something? Who knows?
And then instantly, I found myself feeling under the gun. You know....The Pressure. What do you mean you aren't following a curriculum? How do you teach them to read? Where do you start? What do you do? I talked about research that has shown the importance of instilling the love of learning, establishing routine, teaching them through play, and on and on. She kept going back to...How do they learn? She didn't quite see homeschooling like I do.
I found myself feeling very uncomfortable. Like I needed to EXPLAIN myself. Needing to DEFEND our choices. I really don't like that feeling!
I have heard how often HSing parents feel exactly this same way. I truly pray that my time in this discomfort, this questioning period, is short-lived. I have become more comfortable with this decision to home school in the past six months. But I do still do wonder if maybe I'm doing this for all the wrong reasons. Maybe I just don't know what I'm doing at all.....
I'm not good at living the in state of maybe. I'm really much better at just knowing. Though, maybe, this is why God has planted this seed in us, in me, in the first place. So I can spend a little time in the maybe.
And all the rest of my time....knowing.